Can I Just Say…

Keeping it real

I have to confess, that when eating my “save-money-while-unemployed” salad and tuna sandwiches, I’ve been tuning in to Oprah and The View. On The View the other week, they were getting the low-down on the Golden Globes from Mario Cantone, a camp comedian and performer. Watching his commentary, I found myself thinking, ‘oy vey, how gay he is!’ I immediately sat up straight. I wondered whether my comment was really a criticism of him – conscious or not. At some level, I felt that I was being critical when I blurted it out. 

It reminded me of growing up, when you hear peers/friends describe some guy as “so gay”. When I heard this, I used to think they were implying that these guys were putting on the ‘gayness’ and being fake – camping it up. Not only was there the negative of being accused of being gay, but there was the implication these guys were not being real or authentic. So added to the long list of negatives associated with gay men, there is also an implication that their more feminine behaviour is fake.

This implication is not something, though, which is confined to the world of judgmental teenagers. In adulthood, I’ve had several friends ask me about a good (gay) friend who is quite camp. The questions have often been along the lines of “is he really that camp, or is he putting it on”? Though slightly irritated, I usually respond calmly that this particular friend was camp when he was growing up, and that his behaviour was very natural and unconscious.

I’ve often felt bothered by being asked this question about him, but I haven’t known why. I knew that these friends weren’t homophobic – they treated their gay friends like me the same as their straight ones. I realised later that what bothered me was the fact that when people questioned whether my friend was putting on his campness, there were in fact comparing him with the typical, heterosexual guys they knew. They assumed that the typical straight-guy demeanour, stripped of any softness, expressiveness or femininity, is real, and therefore the camp guy must be hiding this authentic self behind a flamboyant facade. Mr hetero straighty-one-eighty is presumed to be authentic, while guys who show too much expressiveness, are assumed to be putting 'it' on.  And this, I’ve realised, is what really gets to me.

In reality, I think that the opposite is more likely to be true. The pressure is huge among young, straight guys not to appear gay. (Just read some bullying statistics for guys who are perceived to bee too feminine, to see one of the dangerous effects that can result from this fallacious view of masculinity.) So, to prove their manhood, young straight guys often display hyper-masculine behaviours, banishing any feminine characteristics they may have had since boyhood - as natural as these may be. All you have to do, though, to see that this hyper-masculine behaviour is put on, is to pop into a pub and see some of these guys after they’ve had a few beers. There you’ll see the camp, silly, and genuinely touchy-feely sides – so often hidden – come out (sorry, but the pun was too tempting ) 

To me, if anyone is likely to putting it on, it’s these guys, who feel the need to demonstrate in front of their mates that they are 100% hetero. Maybe we should stop assuming that just because there are a larger number of straight guys who behave blokishly, than guys who are camp, that blokey behaviour is authentic. Authenticity is something much more than conforming to majority behaviour. If we bare this in mind, then we could all truly keep it real ourselves, as well as allow others to do so too.

Posted by Michael 

Trying a different tongue

Since I was made redundant a month or so ago, I’ve found myself with time on my hands to do things that I’ve been meaning to do for ages, but just never seemed to get around to.

Apart from trying my hand at baking — chocolate and ricotta cheesecake experimented with so far, yum! — oh, and doing job applications of course, I’ve thought about learning a new language.

Ok… I should disclose. As most people who know me know well will say, I’m a bit of a language lover/slut… in the best possible sense. I studied French and Hebrew in high-school, and then did the awesome International Studies degree at the University of Technology Sydney, where after studying Spanish for 2 years, I went and lived in Argentina, partially paid for by the uni – go UTS!

Anyway a few years have passed since then, and I find myself cogitating about whether I should embark upon learning a new language. Call it boredom, or perhaps curiosity, I’ve been thinking about why it is that I want to learn another language. Initially I thought the list of reasons would be short, along the lines of ‘something-to-fill-my-time-between-bouts of baking’, but after reflecting a bit further, I realised that there are so many reasons I like learning a language – here are just share a few:

1) It’s a very social hobby. Ok… disclosure number two. Most people who know me well will also tell you that about from being a language slut, I’m very social (no connection between these characteristics inferred). I remember that in Spanish class, the ice was broken way quicker than in dry, boring law subjects, for example, because we actually talked about ourselves; who we are, what we love doing, and the vibe in the classroom was as a result, relaxed and fun. So, what’s not to love about learning a language for someone who likes to be social?

2) It helps you understand other cultures – expanding the world beyond the English-speaking part. They say that language is the most basic part of culture, which makes sense - every group of humans use language. So whether your thing is Japanese anime, Latino regaeton, French pastries, once you understand the language behind it, you’ll get so much more out of your ‘thing’.

3) Impress your friends – modest as we like to consider ourselves, we all really like the adulation of our peer/mates. Being able to chat to the cute waiter when ordering your Tapas is sure to impress – especially if the language sounds sexy ie Spanish, French, Portuguese... (Russian too, I think?) Some people may say wanker, to which I’d retort, “pajero” – they’re just jealous! 

4) Increase opportunities to pick-up. As with impressing the friends, the social aspect of speaking another language can also seriously increase the opportunities to find love (or at least lust!) – even if you don’t go overseas to use it. If you mention to someone you’re into that you’ve studied a bit of Spanish/French/whatever, 9 times out of 10, they’ll ask you to say something. Even if you’re barely fluent, saying something as non-sensical/ridiculous as a "si no porque gracias adios a la derecha a la izquierda todo recto al fondo estoy perdido ayudame por favour" sounds sexy as! (though admittedly it doesn’t make any sense – "yes no why thanks bye on the right on the left at the end I’m lost help me")

Of course, it can help in the picking up stakes if you meet someone who doesn’t speak English but you can actually speak their language. That could happen here with a hapless backpacker, or somewhere overseas … also possibly with a hapless backpacker, or even a rich prince or princess. Which leads of course to:

5) Travel – though we are blessed to be native English speakers when it comes to travelling the world (or doing business or many other things for that matter), there is a world of difference between getting by, say, on a conversation in pigeon-English with a Brazilian capoeira dancer, and being able to have a proper chat to get to know them, find out which bars/clubs they hang out at, and get some insider low-down on what’s happening. 

I actually came up with a longer list of reasons, but thought that 5 is enough… for now anyway. I'm having friends over tonight and I have a soft-centred chocolate fondant recipe to master. As would say Julia Childs, the American chef who loved all things French — food and language first among them —  "bon appetit"!  

Posted by Michael